Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
