My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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