I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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