That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
