i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
