I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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