so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
