I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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