did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
false alarm, still single
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
