my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
