i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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