I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
