dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
