they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
