I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
