Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
