I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
