I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
