so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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