you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
