...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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