If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
