If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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