We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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