she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
