One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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