God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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