I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
