Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Drunk is not a location!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
