I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She even gives head with a lisp.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
