You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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