in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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