Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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