Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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