Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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