where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
