I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
