If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
