Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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