Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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