We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
