so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
