i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
as a side note pls kill me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
