dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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