No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
