Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
