yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
