we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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