best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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