I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
