I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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