That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
