I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
