I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
