Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
