just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
