dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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