I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
