I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
