There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize