I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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