What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
