Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
