I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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