I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
