pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
