Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
