Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize