I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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