Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
