I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
