need another drink. this is the easiest way
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
