you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
