How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
