Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize