Your dad touched me again.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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