you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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