we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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