every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
