There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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