I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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