We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
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