i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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