I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
