She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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