i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
don't judge my taste in strippers
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
