Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
