I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
