I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
