It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
