Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize