I wannas sexs uuuuu
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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