8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
