we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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